"Rest in peace, my friend."

My friend put up a post on FB today to say “Good bye to his little mate of sixteen and a half years, Harry”. He then went on to sum up everything that is the essence of being bonded to a dog: " He's seen the best and worst of me and remained ever faithful. Rest in peace, my friend.” It’s one of those posts that I, like millions of others, instantly respond to, knowing the pain of what it is like to lose a beloved pet.

Each time that we hear of such a loss they bring to mind our own, the goodbyes we have said as our lives unfold and the heartfelt wish that our companions could live the same lifespan as ourselves, that we could postpone their leaving indefinitely, that their wise, funny and loving personalities are not gone forever. We come together in a collective hug to help staunch the wound left by the flip side of love – its absence.

Is it indulgent of me to bring to mind my last lost love, Skye? I do so not to ask for your sympathy but for the pleasure of bringing her to life before me. Recently my husband gifted me with a portrait of her, drawn in pencil in exquisite detail. Who are these artists with the gift that can capture a soul? The comfort that they give can be beyond words. For those who are interested, the talented Jim Irvine of jimirvineportraits4you deserves acknowledgment for my beautiful memorial of Skye. So much more than the last ever desperate photograph I took of her which I posted to FB when I howled into the void. The responding wave of empathy – that shared understanding that my grief was real and normal – gave me some comfort before I began the task of readjusting my life around the space she left.

We all have our ways of dealing with the physical loss, though they stay with us for the rest of our lifetime. The grief shuffles slowly from the numbness and shock, to the yearning and searching, catching glimpses of memory in all the familiar places. There comes the inevitable disorganisation with the dismantling of daily routines and learning to live without the structure of their lives with yours … until one day, whenever it may be, the time comes to look forward to the meeting of a new companion and the one departed rests easy in your heart.

For some, that day seems far off. Broken Heart Syndrome is very real. It occurs from an intense surge of stress hormones related to an emotional event, like the loss of a pet or loved one. Such an extreme stress response can mimic the symptoms of a heart attack, causing physical pain to the chest. The sense of grief can be overwhelming, leaving a sense of emptiness that can take over and give root to depression.

Hypnotherapy can help recover through such grief, if it starts to consume your life. Instead of ignoring or bottling up such feelings, it can allow you to process your grief at your own pace. It can help you reach the stage where the memories of the loved one can be enjoyed without the associated pain of missing them and the focus is on the positive love, not the sorrow of grief. It is the bittersweet pleasure of looking at a beautiful portrait as it recaptures your attention when you walk past, rather than the excruciating photograph of that wild eyed last moment that you avoid.

I wish my friend a gentle passage through the stages to come. Grief is not a permanent state of mind, just a journey to go through to process and learn. Maybe our mix matched lifespans serve so that we meet more of these unique and beautiful souls who capture us and forever change us. It’s a dear price that we pay for our companions, whoever they may be, but one that is unquestionably worth it.